


home is where

by loafers



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-04
Updated: 2014-02-04
Packaged: 2018-01-11 03:40:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1168231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loafers/pseuds/loafers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the eve of Calum's eighteenth birthday and he's homesick.</p>
            </blockquote>





	home is where

**Author's Note:**

> warning for unprotected sex!

It's almost Calum's birthday and he's miserable. It's fucked up to be sad for even just a second of your birthday so at twenty minutes to twelve midnight, Calum slips into Ashton's room. 

It doesn't help that it's the big one, eighteen. If he was home he wouldn't be able to sleep from being excited, not sad. He's sure the boys will make it special for him, and the rest of their little family, Liz and John and everyone, they'll all make a fuss, but it's not the same. He misses his mum and dad and Mali, hurts to think he'll be missing out on the giant barbecue they always have for him and all his mates and the whole family. Nothing makes a birthday feel special like being surrounded by everyone he loves and that loves him, but as it is he's a trillion miles away on the other side of the world and he just misses home. 

He loves what they're doing, working on the album and everything, he wouldn't give it up to be home for his birthday, but he just wishes he could like, teleport. Just for one day. So that's what has him unable to stop himself from crawling into Ashton's bed and waking him. 

Ashton stirs and sniffs and checks his phone before rolling over to face Calum. "Almost your birthday," he croaks and rubs his eyes sleepily. 

"I know," Calum answers in a whisper. There's no one else in the room, no one to wake if he spoke in a normal voice, but he still feels compelled to keep quiet. 

Ashton looks like home, is the thing. He spent pretty much the entire break at home over Christmas with Ashton and well, maybe it's a little more complicated than that but damnit, Calum just needs to be close. Just for a little while. He ducks his head and squirms close to Ashton, pressing against his side and sneaking an arm around his waist. 

Ashton grunts out a rough, quiet laugh, pats the arm crossing his body and asks, "aren't you getting too old for this now, huh?" It's a joke but it hits Calum in the wrong way. He doesn't want to be too old. He squeezes Ashton's middle. He probably wouldn't let go even if Ashton tried to make him. 

Ashton makes a sleepy noise and slips his hand up Calum's arm and back down again, a comforting kind of rub. His touch is warm and it reminds Calum of so much, of home, of stuff they said they wouldn't talk about, which just sucks. Seems to suck even more when Calum's already sad about home. 

Calum presses closer against Ashton to try and stop the bad feelings from creeping up, stop his throat from getting any tighter. "Don't wanna grow up," he mumbles softly. It sounds sad and pathetic even to his own ears, but Ashton's always been a sucker for a bit of a pout. 

"Aw," Ashton says and Calum can tell without looking that he's smiling. Ashton slips his hand up over his shoulder and pulls him into an awkward, soft cuddle. Calum just melts into it, clinging gratefully until Ashton pats the back of his head, squeezes the back of his neck and pulls back to look at him. In the dark Ashton's eyes shine bright and sincere. Calum bites his lip to stop the threatening tremble. "It's okay, I mean. I'm still a kid, you don't have to grow up." He grins. Calum just wishes he'd hug him again. 

"Yeah," he says. 

"Hey." Ashton ducks a little closer, looking Calum right in the eye. "Don't be sad," he smiles and gives Calum a little excited shake, "we're gonna have so much fun tomorrow." 

Calum can't meet Ashton's eyes. He focuses on his chin and nods. Ashton makes a little aborted move forward, an awkward shift that has Calum's heart speeding up a bit. It's not what he came in here looking for - well, not really. But now he's looking up at Ashton and hoping. 

"Sorry," Calum mumbles, a little breathless. Ashton looks troubled as he shakes his head, leans in and then back again. Calum licks his lips and Ashton sighs a sigh that sounds like giving in and then he kisses him, his grip tightening on the back of Calum's neck as he pulls him closer. 

Calum gasps and lets himself be dragged in, his mouth opening readily for Ashton's tongue. Ashton kisses him as assertively as always and Calum loves it intensely. It's just what he needs. He could never find a girl to kiss him the same way Ashton does, leading and forcing him to follow. With Ashton he really feels like he's _being kissed_ , being taken. That's what he wants now. Wants Ashton to take him, take him home. Take the stupid nagging sadness away. Calum whimpers and tugs at Ashton's arm, trying to get him on top of him, wants to feel the familiar weight of Ashton's body pressing his own down into the bed. 

Ashton allows it, Calum knows he couldn't make Ash move if he didn't want to as well, and so he knows they both want this, no matter what was said, agreed on. It feels like no time has passed since they were last pressed together in the dark, frantic hands on each other at their friend's beach house only a month ago. It's not as frantic now. There's no sense of urgency except for when Calum thinks about Ashton wanting to stop, when Ashton pulls away, panting, his hips between Calum's thighs, his cock hard against Calum's. 

"I know," Calum says before Ashton even opens his mouth to talk. It makes Ashton flinch a little, but his body is so hot on top of Calum's, warm and heavy and so comforting. Calum licks his lips and tastes Ashton's kiss. 

Ashton states the obvious, "we said we wouldn't." Calum knows, okay. He knows what they said and he knows why - it's too complicated, it's messed up, they're working. Knows the secret reasons why, too. The ones Ashton wouldn't put into actual hushed whispers back at the beach but Calum felt just as clearly as the sting of salt water on his lips, bitten raw by Ashton's teeth the night before. It's dangerous, how they love each other, especially when - and it's a constant echo through Calum's mind, the way Ashton's voice shook before the first time he slipped his hand down into Calum's pants - he's just not _like that_. Calum isn't either, but sometimes he just needs Ashton so bad he feels like he's choking. 

Calum nods, swallows, but he's not giving in yet. He can feel it making him sadder, the prospect of being rejected and just having no one to turn to, and it makes him a little desperate, spreads his legs and dip his hand down the small of Ashton's back, pulling him in tighter so he can feel - everything, him, feel how bad he wants him. "Just once, it's. It's my birthday," Calum mumbles, voice low and deep, tilts his chin up and smiles a little. 

"You're-" Ashton huffs, rolls his hips against Calum's and Calum moans. Just this, this would be enough, Ashton's mouth against his own, their bodies pressed tight together, they don't even have to get naked, they can just, like this. Rub off on each other like kids, like Ashton's never had his cock in Calum's ass. Calum drops his head back on Ashton's pillow and Ashton follows, dips his head and grazes his teeth over Calum's tattoo. It makes Calum shiver, his skin breaking out in goosebumps from the light touch and Ashton's hot breath, from his cock rubbing against his own through their pants. "Not your birthday yet," Ashton says and kisses Calum's throat, mouth soft and hot against his skin until Calum groans and fists his hand in the back of Ashton's hair and drags his mouth back to his own. 

Ashton groans and tugs his head back just to break Calum's grip, regain control, and then his mouth is back on Calum's and he's kissing him hard, pressing him down, like he just wants to grab and take and fuck and Calum wants that, too. Wants it so much he's wrapping his legs around Ashton's waist, and it's so hot now under the sheets, their skin pressed close and sticking with sweat as they grind together. It just makes Calum want to taste, get his tongue on Ashton's skin and see if it's any different to the last time he licked sweat from Ashton's sunburned tummy, ducked under his sleeping bag with their friends just in the next room. He tasted like the beach then, sun and salt, or maybe that's just Ashton. 

He can almost taste it now, the smell of Ashton's skin is just so familiar. He buries his face in the curve between Ashton's neck and shoulder and breathes in deep. He needs to take as much as he can now. Who knows how long it will be before one or both of them is weak like this again.

Ashton's hands always make Calum feel small and delicate, slipping down his side, squeezing at his ribs and waist. Ashton seems to love to touch, his big hands all over Calum's body, and Calum loves the way Ashton touches him, like he knows he can't break him. It wasn't always like that, but there's no fear in the way Ashton touches him now, dragging his hand under Calum's back to haul him closer, gets his hand on Calum's ass and pulls him in for a tighter grind. 

Calum moans, probably too loudly but he can't help it. Who the fuck cares if the others hear anyway. Maybe they should, maybe then it wouldn't have to be a secret, something they're not allowed to have. It's all so fucking stupid. Calum just wants to get fucked. 

He wants it just as bad as he did the first time but it's not shocking to him anymore. It's not shameful like the first time when Ashton refused blushing bright red to buy lube and condoms from the little chemist in the beach side village. They compromised, Ashton distracted the others with a milkshake run so Calum could slip off and get what they needed so he could get what he needed. 

They're not on holiday now though and Calum knows Ashton likes it slick. He's gotta have lube stashed somewhere just for jerking off but if he doesn't Calum is totally prepared to ask Michael for some. He'd probably be willing to let Ashton fuck him dry, he just needs him inside so bad.

Calum groans and squeezes at Ashton's shoulder and Ashton lifts up off Calum a little before reaching down to get his hand on Calum's cock. Calum hisses out a curse, his hips bucking up into the touch, Ashton's hand just feels so unbelievably good, gripping him firmly through the tight cotton of his pants. Calum can't believe he ever agreed to the stupid idea not to let them have this. Ashton seems to be loving it just as much, almost frantic the way he scrambles with Calum's waistband to get his fingers underneath, onto skin. 

He wraps his big, warm hand around Calum's cock and Calum shudders, his stomach muscles clenching with the pleasure of it, whole lower body tensing as Ashton starts to stroke him. Ashton leans in to kiss him again and, god, Calum wants to just let it happen, he could come from this like, so quick, but he's never settled for less than what he wants and now isn't the time to start. 

Calum stops Ashton with a hand on his cheek. Ashton looks at him, lips swollen, cheeks flushed, eyes darker and so big this close up. He looks younger and so breathtakingly beautiful. Like, Calum's breath actually catches, hitches in his chest. It's just the knowledge that this beautiful person wants him back. His best friend. "I know what we said, but," Calum swallows and tries to stop his voice from sounding the way it is. Strained, needy. It's not like he wants to hide, he's happy to lay himself bare for Ashton, let him see what he's done to him, just a mess of raw feeling, but he's nervous for Ashton's sake. 

Calum spreads his legs instead of his heart and squirms, groans, drags Ashton's mouth closer to snatch a kiss and pants, "I just want it so bad, I'm sorry, want you to fuck me." 

Ashton shivers visibly and murmurs Calum's name, a soft hushed sound. It's so tender Calum has to kiss him again, until Ashton drags his hand away from his cock and down under to tuck between the cheeks of his ass, rubbing roughly at his asshole through his pants. Calum swears and squirms, grabs at Ashton and rubs himself needily up against him. 

Calum knows Ashton's going to give him what he needs, just like he always does. He reaches down and tugs at his underwear and Ashton's too. He gets them bare and grabs at Ashton's cock, both of them moaning as he fists him clumsily, strokes him, leans up for another kiss that Ashton gives him readily. Calum can't get enough of kissing Ashton now when he's allowed, he wants to make up for all the times when he wanted to but couldn't; Ashton all sleep soft in the mornings over the first cups of tea, or excited over new songs, or laughing too hard ,or yawning and curling up close in the evening. Calum kisses him to make up for all the times he wanted to, and only pauses when he feels Ashton straining, reaching blindly into the draws by his bed.

Calum moans just because he knows it's coming, anticipating the thickness of Ashton's fingers inside him, the carefully firm way he opens him up. He's so hot for it now, ready to beg. Ashton backs off to slick his fingers, fumbling the cap a little, on his knees between Calum's thighs when Calum has the presence of mind to snap a mental picture. Calum reaches down and wraps a hand around his own cock, gives himself a few loose, quick strokes as he looks at Ashton hungrily. Well, at his cock mostly, big and red and hard. Calum shudders and squeezes his balls, eyes rolling back a little in pleasure. 

Ashton bites his lip and tosses the lube aside, looks at Calum like he wants to ask if Calum's okay, if he's _sure_ , which is just the stupidest thing in the world, as if Ashton couldn't tell he's dying for it. Maybe he can't, they've only done this a few times before. "Come on," Calum says and bumps his knee into Ashton's shoulder. 

Ashton swallows as his eyes drag down Calum's body and Calum has to resist the urge to squirm. It's just as strong as the urge to arch up, offer himself, make a show, so he does nothing, merely waits until Ashton's reaching between his legs and stroking his slick fingers over Calum's hole. Calum swears, unprepared every time for how good it feels, and then groans when Ashton nudges the tip of his finger inside. 

Ashton leans down and kisses Calum as he opens him up. Calum's grateful, gets his hands on Ashton, his strong arms and back, the bumps of his ribs and the dip of his waist. He feels so warm and real and Calum's starting to get stupid with the pleasure of it, giggles into Ashton's mouth, sucks on his tongue and makes Ashton laugh too. 

"You're so-" Calum cuts off whatever Ashton was going to call him with another kiss, a moan as Ashton strokes his finger into him, hot and slick, another already pushing at him. 

"Sorry. What?" Calum huffs and drags his mouth to Ashton's cheek so he can listen. He's panting, working his ass down on Ashton's fingers. Ashton shakes his head and Calum squeezes the back of his neck, groans when Ashton pushes in with his second finger, the stretch a wonderful, warm ache Calum feels all the way up to his chest. "Tell me," he says, smiling. 

"Lovely," Ashton admits. "It's stupid. Shut up," he laughs self-consciously and twists his fingers deep enough that Calum nearly sees stars, but it's not enough to distract him. He kisses Ashton's cheek, his chin, his mouth. 

"I missed you," he says, since they're saying things and it's all he can think of that isn't an intense and terrifying declaration of love. Ashton knows, just like Calum knows Ashton loves him, but it seems a bit much to go saying such a thing at a time like this, feels like something they can't quite come back from.

"Didn't go anywhere," Ashton says, so purposefully dense. Calum doesn't care, he's having trouble even listening, following, with Ashton's fingers inside him, fucking him in gentle, deep strokes. Opening him up, getting him slick. 

Calum wraps his hand around Ashton's cock, thumb slicking through the pre-come at the tip. "Do it, come on," he says, moving his hands to Ashton's hips to draw him in, fumbling his cock to line him up. His heart is beating so hard now he's sure Ashton must be able to hear it or feel it, almost scared he's going to pass out or come before he even gets him inside.

Ashton braces himself up over Calum with his hands fisted in the sheets either side of his head and rolls his hips down, pushes in, Calum holding him steady to guide him and groaning as his body opens for Ashton's cock. It fills him up tight and so slow. Calum's sure he can feel Ashton's heart beating in time with his own, two pulses converging into one felt deep in the hot place their bodies are joined now.

Calum pulls Ashton in tighter against him with his hands on the small of Ashton's back to coax him deeper inside him, and Ashton ducks down to press clumsy kisses to Calum's chin and cheeks and mouth until Calum huffs a laugh. He tips his chin up to kiss Ashton back and nudges at Ashton's nose with his own, says, "Come on," his voice all wrecked and scratchy.

Ashton bites his lip and closes his eyes, his body shuddering. Calum feels it, feels all of it just as much as Ashton does. He slips his hands up Ashton's back, wraps his arms around him and leans up to kiss his throat, sweet and reassuring. Ashton thrusts a little and it catches Calum off guard, he moans, which seems to encourage Ashton. He gathers himself up a bit, reaches down to get a grip on Calum's leg to keep him spread and pinned at he begins to fuck him properly. 

He doesn't go easy, never has, and Calum likes it that way. Likes it any way Ashton would give it to him but this is so good, fucked hard enough to jar his body and make them both sweat, Ashton's longer curls drooping down his forehead. He startles when Calum reaches up and push them back off his face, and it makes him open his eyes so then they're looking at each other. Calum looks steadily back at Ashton and tries to channel everything he's feeling into it, his mouth soft and open and panting every time Ashton thrusts into him, arching up and pushing back to meet each thrust. 

Ashton trembles when he starts to come and Calum just exhales his name, his mouth against Ashton's, wraps his arms around his shoulders and holds him while he shudders and fills him up. 

"Sorry, I," Ashton says awkwardly as soon as he can with a long exhaled breath.

"It's okay," Calum sighs happily, moans when Ashton reaches between them to take Calum's cock in his hand, the warm pressure almost enough to distract him from the feeling of Ashton pulling out. He feels a faint pang of sadness at the loss but Ashton kisses him, strokes him quick, grip tight, and it surprises Calum how quick he feels it coming on. He's close but still greedy. "Can you, I need," he gasps, his voice tight and strained and then broken totally when Ashton just pushes two fingers inside him. It makes Calum come, panting and clinging to Ashton, ass squeezed tight on Ashton's fingers. 

"Fuck," Calum breathes and seeks a needy kiss from Ashton. Ashton gives it to him, stroking him slow and slick inside and out as Calum trembles. The kisses turn lazier and lazier until they're just lying there, pressed tight together and breathing.

"I'll be right back," Ashton mumbles close and hot against Calum's cheek and Calum just blinks, dazed, watches him roll naked out of bed and disappear into the little bathroom. 

He feels cold and lonely but Ashton's not gone for long, comes back with a soft, wet cloth and wipes Calum's come from his tummy, leans up to kiss him as he wipes between his legs. Calum doesn't mind it. It's nice to be touched. Better than waking up covered in dried jizz anyway, they learnt that the hard way. 

Ashton sits on the edge of the bed and pitches the cloth through the open bathroom door. The wet smack it makes when it lands on the tile makes Calum smile. "Happy Birthday," Ashton says. He puts his hand on Calum's stomach. It's a strange, deliberate movement. Calum likes it. Likes the ache in his ass and his strained thighs and hips, too. 

Ashton doesn't look like he's going to have a crisis and Calum feels a lot better himself so he covers Ashton's hand with his own and gives it a squeeze. "Can I sleep here?" he asks. 

Ashton giggles and flops down beside him. "Big baby," he mumbles as he tries to collect the sheets and pillows and doona back together. Calum curls his fist against Ashton's back and Ashton rolls over to face him. His expression is soft, open, so Calum squirms a bit closer. 

"Thanks," he says and smiles. Ashton nods and holds out his arm so Calum curls even closer, tuck in against Ashton's chest. He breathes in deep, and realises he's no longer homesick. Hard to be when he's where he's meant to be.

**Author's Note:**

> reblog on [tumblr](http://cyclotomic.tumblr.com/post/75565053552/home-is-where-cashton-3-7k-explicit-its-the) if you like! :-*


End file.
